Be Easy On Yourself

I don’t want to say I failed, but if I am being real with myself, I did. I started off this week with such a positive attitude, and as the week went on, it slowly dwindled away. While that positive attitude dwindled away, my anxiety started to creep in. There's so much going on around the world, and let’s add the fact that, as a female, I suffer from hormonal changes at that time of the month, so I’m extra sensitive. It can be hard sometimes to focus on doing things for myself. It can be difficult to try to do things that make me happy while so many people are struggling and others are going through traumatic life experiences. In no way am I a saint or a perfect person, but sometimes the amount of negativity expressed across social media platforms makes my heart hurt. I find myself getting stuck in a state of “what the fuck is the point”. I can only speak for myself when I say I can’t live in a bubble.

I feel the need to learn about what goes on all over this large rock that floats across space. Somewhere in my perfect world, I would love to travel and learn about other cultures. Seeing how other people live their day-to-day lives and learning about the culture, history, and art has always intrigued me. But let me walk you through why I haven’t been able to do that.

1. Life is expensive as fuck.

There is no saving for much. The cost of daily necessities is so out of hand, and jobs are just not paying to make up for that; it's impossible. I did what was forced down my throat growing up—that I had to go to college to get a degree to make good money. It is not working out that way as of yet, but it is still early. I just graduated and need time to look into better-paying jobs.

2. I am a woman.

Being a woman in this world and traveling alone is freaking intimidating. Many people say not to live your life in fear, but as someone with past traumas, I refuse to put myself in situations where the worst can happen again. Statistics exist and can be used to help keep you safe. Why not use them to your advantage? I could be wrong, though. Who really knows, right? There are so many precautions a person has to take to be able to safely travel that it takes a lot of thought into planning. Right now, I am not in a place to do that as often as I’d like to think I can. Which ties into number 3.

3. Mental health.

I’ve been on this journey to really figure myself out. I am teaching myself better ways to deal with life. Help me differentiate between the natural anxieties I have and the trauma controlling my decisions. I also think mental health is something everyone should actively work on. Part of being self-aware is knowing when you should and shouldn’t add stressors to your life.

4. This might tie into number 1, but I have pets. I want to see the world with them. I can’t just pick them up and leave them. I would need a job where I could pick up and work remotely for weeks at a time to truly live in these places. Then I would be able to take them with me. Our daily routines wouldn’t change too much, just our location. As long as that wouldn’t cause them any stress, it would be the way of life.

My question is, am I supposed to be numb to the absolutely insane, inhumane things that go on daily around the world in order to keep my mental health stable and focus on what someone would call building thick skin? I think the correct thing to do is cut myself some slack because I am having a very human response to current events. Not knowing how to handle it at this exact moment is completely normal. As long as I am honest about how I am feeling and I express my feelings, I am handling things in the healthiest way I am currently equipped to. Maybe as I grow older, I’ll learn new ways and become more equipped for whatever future life experiences I’m thrown into. I’d like to think that’s the point of life. To gain an unlimited amount of knowledge through life experience.