Valentine’s Day has never been a source of joy for me. Regardless of the relationship I've been in, none of my partners have made the occasion particularly special. Not once have I experienced the cheesy, romantic gestures that others seem to revel in. In hindsight, it's clear that their actions, or lack thereof, were telling of their true feelings.
Since I was about 15, for the most part I have been in a relationship. Getting last minute flowers and a balloon while every other female on the social media is posting about how they are going on weekend trips, rooms full of candles, rose pedals and dates. All those beautiful expressions of love and I have never gotten even an ounce of that. I understand that social media is fake. I understand the worst thing to do is to compare yourself or the things other people have. I understand all of those things but none of that takes away that there will always be a part of me that wonders why? If men like that exist, why haven’t I had those experiences?
I have to take accountability in my part of the issue at hand. I have never truly expressed that I cared about the holiday in the first place. I have always openly expressed how ridiculous I thought it was that men do these extravagant things on ONE day a year and only one day a year. Why wouldn’t you want to make random days special and show you love someone all the time? For whatever reason when I make those comments men just take that as “hey, she hates this holiday, so I don’t have to try”. Meanwhile I have always just wanted someone to make it enjoyable. Change my mind. Show me why the expressions of love can be beautiful and make someone feel good. Growing up I don’t think I ever saw my mother get flowers. I can’t even remember her and my stepdad ever even talking about going on dates or planning any sort of alone time together. He never came home with small gifts or cute cards. My memory is rough when it comes to certain things in my childhood, but I don’t ever remember my stepdad being affectionate towards her or in my eyes loving. On the other side my bio dad and stepmom were affectionate and I do remember them dropping us off at the grandparents to have dinner dates and stuff. I guess because I for the most part lived with my mom her relationship experiences had more of an impact on how I view relationships and has probably played a part in some of my views.
I hate to say that this year was another disappointment but this time, this experience has made me realize how important it is to be open and honest about my expectations and the desires I have for my relationship. In any type of relationship, it is important to acknowledge that each party has boundaries, by doing so it is showing that you have respect for one another, and you are demonstrating that you are committed to a mutual understanding. When expectations are not spoken about it leaves room for conflict and resentment. Being proactive, can help promote healthier conflict resolution strategies. Being comfortable expressing your needs is the foundation of trust and intimacy. Relationships without trust are not bound to be healthy or last very long for that matter. Trust is pretty essential to having a long-lasting bond with someone and when both parties feel heard it creates a positive environment for love and growth.
I feel like it is almost ridiculous to complain about something like this and it might come off like I am materialistic. I think anyone that knows me would come to my defense and say that is incorrect. There are 365 days in a year, if you can’t make your significant feel loved and appreciated on one day why are you even with them?
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